Monday, December 1, 2008

Hand washing 101

A conversation you never want to have with your 8-year-old-immune-compromised-currently-receiving-chemotherapy-beautiful-although-apparently-not-all-that-classy daughter:

We are at the home of my good friend Miss Mary Ann, who is the director of the Children's Cancer Center. We are getting the grand tour of her beautiful home. Mary Ann, my friend Angela, and I are all standing in the master bathroom discussing the VERY pink marble vanity and bath tub.

Mandy comes bounding in to use the restroom, with Angela's daughter in tow. In they go, to the little water closet where the toilet is. As everybody knows, 8-year-old girls like to travel in herds to the bathroom, whenever possible. (Come to think of it, they never really outgrow that tendency).

Door closes. Giggling. I can only assume they answer nature's call. More giggling. Out they come and head out the door. Much giggling.

This is where it gets ugly.

"Mandy! You need to come back and wash your hands!" Giggling stops.

"Momma, I did already," in a voice laced with annoyance.

"No, honey, you didn't. I am standing right here and you did not wash your hands."

Somewhat indignant now: "YES, MOMMA I DID!"

I taught her how to be indignant. So, in an indignant tone that puts hers to shame, "Mandy, NO you did NOT. Here I am. Here is the sink. Been here the whole time. Both the sink and I. And neither the sink, nor I, nor the other two mommies standing RIGHT HERE saw you wash your hands. No water, no soap, no hand towel. THERE WAS NO HAND WASHING! SO, get back in here and wash up before you leave this bathroom."

Girl, allllllllllllll full of attitude stomps over and opens water closet door.

"I did too wash my hands! I washed them in the low sink, just for kids, RIGHT THERE!!!!"

A low sink just for kids? That's kind of odd. Sweet, but odd. Why would there be a low sink for ... ?

And then she points.

Not at a fancy low sink made just for kids. Nooooooooooo.

She points at




My daughter just washed her hands in a bidet!!!!!

OH OH OH OH OH!!!!!!!!


Now, Mary Ann's house is cleaner than just about any house in the free world. She is acutely aware of the immune-compromised status of many of her shortest guests, and the house reflects that in all of it's clean and shiny glory! But seriously, I can't imagine she plans for hand-washing in the bidet, for pete's sweet sake!

My daughter washed her hands in a device my son calls a "butt washer."

Me? I am a crappy mom. But my daughter? She is apparently taking the crappy to a whole new level.

We is high class, people. High class, I tell ya'.

Love to all~


Anissa Mayhew said...


Just because!

From your friend who loves you and once found out her son used a cake of urinal cleaner to wash HIS hands.


Laura said...

Ahhhh....the things I have to look forward to. Urinal cakes. YUCK!

Anonymous said...

Heh heh was even funnier in person!

Angela said...

Hey-I realized I posted my comment as anonymous after I had posted it......kinda creepy.

Sarah Nessel said...

As someone who is STILL trying to teach a 5-year-old boy the finer points of bathroom hygiene, I cannot tell you how much I desperately wish we were a bidet culture, not a toilet-paper culture! I swear, I'm going to have to follow this kid to kindergarten next year to clean his butt! No wonder Europeans think we are gross!

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

OH MY WORD!!!!!! ewwwwww

That is just painful. As a germ freak, I send you my DEEPEST empathy.

Andrea Cook said...

Love the great news - shrinkage!!!!!!!!!!! Does it get any better - okay it could be better with disappearance, but shrinkage will do!

Love the bidet story!

Hugs of love, Andrea

Ann said...

LOL, Natalie! It's good to find your new website. Thanks for checking in on Jenna.