A conversation you never want to have with your 8-year-old-immune-compromised-currently-receiving-chemotherapy-beautiful-although-apparently-not-all-that-classy daughter:
We are at the home of my good friend Miss Mary Ann, who is the director of the Children's Cancer Center. We are getting the grand tour of her beautiful home. Mary Ann, my friend Angela, and I are all standing in the master bathroom discussing the VERY pink marble vanity and bath tub.
Mandy comes bounding in to use the restroom, with Angela's daughter in tow. In they go, to the little water closet where the toilet is. As everybody knows, 8-year-old girls like to travel in herds to the bathroom, whenever possible. (Come to think of it, they never really outgrow that tendency).
Door closes. Giggling. I can only assume they answer nature's call. More giggling. Out they come and head out the door. Much giggling.
This is where it gets ugly.
"Mandy! You need to come back and wash your hands!" Giggling stops.
"Momma, I did already," in a voice laced with annoyance.
"No, honey, you didn't. I am standing right here and you did not wash your hands."
Somewhat indignant now: "YES, MOMMA I DID!"
I taught her how to be indignant. So, in an indignant tone that puts hers to shame, "Mandy, NO you did NOT. Here I am. Here is the sink. Been here the whole time. Both the sink and I. And neither the sink, nor I, nor the other two mommies standing RIGHT HERE saw you wash your hands. No water, no soap, no hand towel. THERE WAS NO HAND WASHING! SO, get back in here and wash up before you leave this bathroom."
Girl, allllllllllllll full of attitude stomps over and opens water closet door.
"I did too wash my hands! I washed them in the low sink, just for kids, RIGHT THERE!!!!"
A low sink just for kids? That's kind of odd. Sweet, but odd. Why would there be a low sink for ... ?
And then she points.
Not at a fancy low sink made just for kids. Nooooooooooo.
She points at
OH DEAR LORD!
My daughter just washed her hands in a bidet!!!!!
OH OH OH OH OH!!!!!!!!
Now, Mary Ann's house is cleaner than just about any house in the free world. She is acutely aware of the immune-compromised status of many of her shortest guests, and the house reflects that in all of it's clean and shiny glory! But seriously, I can't imagine she plans for hand-washing in the bidet, for pete's sweet sake!
My daughter washed her hands in a device my son calls a "butt washer."
Me? I am a crappy mom. But my daughter? She is apparently taking the crappy to a whole new level.
We is high class, people. High class, I tell ya'.
Love to all~