I try. The vast majority of the time, I try, to keep my chin up, a smile on my face, a spring in my step or any other stupid faux happy cliche you can come up with. I try to just keep going, keep believing, keep knowing all will be okay.
I do.
Really.
I promise.
Yeah. Then? Then there's today. Today? Not so much with the happy, positive, chin up thing. Tomorrow I will do that again.
But, today? Today, I want to throw a terrible 2's esque, feet kicking, fist pounding, "It's not fair" screaming, nasty, ugly temper tantrum.
Now that you really want to come over and be my friend....
Mandy had an appointment with her neuro-opthamologist today. Yes, there is such a specialty. Nothing horrid by any stretch came from it. But, he thinks the right pupil is possibly becoming less reactive than the left. This could be an early sign of degeneration or damage to the optic nerve.
In short, it could be a sign that her vision could start faltering soon in that eye. We have been very lucky, given the size of her tumor that her vision has remained stable. And it still may.
But, today, I am going to drink my mocha my friend was brave enough to bring me. I am going to concede and be a temper tantrum throwing, I want my little girl to be healthy and not have to deal with all this, screaming, "It's just not fair" grumpy Mom. 'Cause acting like a 2 year old would be unbecoming for a woman of my age.
Tomorrow back to the chin up, smile on the face, spring in my step thing.
After all, tomorrow is another day, or so says Scarlet anyway.
Love to all~
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2 comments:
Natalie, if I were in your place, I'd probably be in tantrum mode week in and week out. (Then again, I've never been known for handling things with grace.) You should give yourself permission to scream whenever you feel like you need it. Hang in there. Exercise. Try to sleep. And keep reminding yourself what wonderful kids you have! Alannah's viola piece was fantastic! I'm so jealous!
I'm with you. Kick and scream and hit the pillows. Sometimes you need it - can't be happy and positive all time. I try and I had my mini meltdown earlier this week. You have to let it out so you can put that smile back on your face.
I'm sorry the news was not positive. My heart aches when the news is not good.
We are thinking about you guys.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/rileycook
Hugs of love, Andrea
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