When I was in high school, I had a nasty tendency to be late. A lot. Not a lot has changed. I am perpetually late. Usually about 15 minutes. Those who know me well know to lie to me about what time I am expected to arrive somewhere. You need me there at 4:30, tell me 4. I can almost guarantee I will be there by 4:30.
As an adult, I have a canned, though sincere, series of reasons why I am late. Those reasons usually involve traffic or kids or, occasionally, dogs. I am always sincerely apologetic and truly despise my tendency to be tardy. But as an adult, that is all the justification that is required of me.
My tardy ways started long ago. And more justification was demanded of me back in the day. In the interest of efficiency, I would write a note, on behalf of my mother, signed by "mother", explaining numerous, creative and varied reasons for my chronic tardiness.
Mercifully, journalism was my first period class my junior and senior year. Excuses were easy, I was interviewing this person, chasing that story ... whatever I could come up with. Either way, I successfully explained away my frequent tardies and semi-frequent absences with help from my "mother's" notes. She was very helpful, my "mother."
Right up until the point at which I was legitimately absent. I was sick. My mom actually wrote a note. I turned it in, feeling all official and honorable and stuff. And then it happened. Busted. HARD.
Why? Well, cause ya see, the office had numerous notes on file from my "mother", signed by my "mother" and that day I turned one in and that looked completely different from the other eleventy bazillion notes. Whoops.
I kinda feel like I owe y'all a note explaining my prolonged absence. So, here ya go...
"To Whom it May Concern;
Please excuse Natalie's tardiness in posting an update. You see, she has had stuff. There was a small flood, mold and drywall dust. There was also a floor rip out and replacement, and the air conditioning died to the tune of several thousand dollars. All of this resulted in a 6 week long displacement from their home.
"At one point I am relatively certain her house starting throwing light fixtures at her, but she doesn't like to talk about that. Suffice it to say there was a pop, and a thud followed by the sound of glass shattering on the tile floor. They are still in need of a new roof. If you have an extra one of those lying around, please feel free to send it home with her.
"Amidst all of this fun, Mandy had all the usual chemo appointments and an MRI that showed mostly good news, but left some questions unanswered.
"Oh, and? She got a traffic ticket, had a dentist appointment, overslept, had a bad hair day and I am pretty sure the dog ate her homework.
"This all may or may not have led to her polishing off a bottle of Pinot Grigio before the salad even arrived. If that did happen it was not her fault. The waiter told her it was 'Wine Wednesday' and she was merely trying to be accommodating.
"However, they are back in their home now and she promises to try to do better to show up on time, or for that matter, just show up.
"She may or may not have her homework. But, she will have a bottle of Pinot Grigio. I will send a Doctor's note for this under separate cover.
"Thank you for your understanding in this matter.
"All the best,
You can feel free to place your bets on the validity of that signature of my mother.
Love to all~